#PEPPERONI SWEEP!!!

[third-king-of-salmonids]

OKAY NOW IM SALMOFF TO THE POLLS >:V

I AM A PATIENT FISH :)

SALMON? NAH IM SALMOFF TO THE STORE DO YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING?

[steveshairychest]

The first time Eddie says 'I love you', it's by complete accident. He's lying on the couch after a shit day at his shitty new job, contemplating whether or not to order pizza, when suddenly there's a knock on the trailer door. He doesn't want to get up, his feet hurt and he's just taken off his pants, so he just yells out, "Who is it?"

Whoever is behind the door, ignores his question and let's themselves in. "It's just me." Steve's voice rings out through the trailer and just the sight of him brings a smile to Eddie's face. "I brought you dinner. I didn't think you'd feel like cooking after your first day. How did it go?"

Eddie practically leaps off the couch to take the pizza box from Steve's hands. "I love you, oh my god, it's like you read my mind." He plops back down on the couch before opening the box and taking a huge bite from a slice; it's pepperoni, his favourite. "First day was shit. The guy made me do every pointless task he could think of. Made me sweep windowsills." He says with a mouthful of pizza.

When Steve doesn't respond, he looks up and frowns when he notices Steve just standing there, his eyes wide and his hands still holding an invisible pizza box. "Steve? You okay?"

Steve blinks once, twice, his mouth opening and closing as he tries multiple times to get words out. "You said you love me."

Eddie freezes mid bite, his mind replaying his words. "Shit, did I?!"

"Yep." Steve says with a smile.

"Well, guess the cats outta the bag. I love you, Stevie." He says it with a cheesy grin of his own.

There's pizza sauce on the corner of his mouth and he's wearing no pants, and he probably looks like shit after his nightmare first shift, but Steve still leans down and kisses him soft and sweet with a giggle. "I love you, too."

[reidsdimples]

Accidental Baby Genius | Part 2

Based on the request from part 1

You tell Spencer about his child, years later.

Fluff/angst/no smut 🖤 🧸

Enjoy some AI renderings of Reid’s son 🫶🏻

3.5 Years later

“Mommy!” Your son raises his arms when you walk in the door. He hugs you tight around the neck.

“Roman,” you sigh and hold him for a minute. You push away the gnawing realization that’s been plaguing you for months.

He looks up at you with big brown eyes and sweeps his wavy brown locks from his face. You put your hand in his hair and mess it all up again and he laughs. Even his laugh- the way his face contorts- it’s so achingly familiar.

The cut of his jaw as he approaches three years old is becoming more pronounced. You can’t unsee it in him, Spencer Reid is his father. And if his looks weren’t enough of a convincer-

“Rome read me three Dr Seuss books and The Very Hungry Caterpillar today,” your sister informs you,

“Four!” He pouts.

Your two year old was reading at a fucking first grade level if not higher. You sigh, in awe of him.

A familiar heartache seizes you. Spencer has no idea that this amazing little boy is his son.

“I think it’s time,” you shake your head and inform your sister.

“I think so too,” she agrees.

Roman as back to his spot on the floor, building a Lego set of the Star Wars star destroyer which is huge and you can’t figure out how to build. But he’s over half done and you can watch him move around and articulate how to do it all day long.

You noticed about a week ago that he’s started to lick his bottom lip when he’s thinking, or bite it when he’s nervous. It’s not a trait he got from you.

In fact the only thing he seemed to get from you was his nose and ears but the jury was still out on that one. It’s like you birthed a mini Spencer Reid.

“Hey Romi,” you call him by his nickname and wave him over.

“Do you remember how you asked me about your dad?”

“Uhuhh,” he uses his palm to brush his hair back with his hands which are too big for him.

“How would you like to meet him?” He turns in your arms and lights up.

“Does he like reading?”

“He does,” you answer and fight back tears.

“What about counting, because I can count all the way to five thousand,” he starts talking faster when he’s excited.

“I think so,” you caress his small face and kiss his forehead.

—

“I didn’t know if this was still your number,” you say when Spencer answers his phone.

“I’ve had it for years, what’s up?” He seems distracted and you don’t want to do this over the phone.

“Can we talk… in person,” you ask.

“Sure?” He hasn’t spoken to you since about a month after you left the team so abruptly.

“How’s lunch tomorrow?” You ask.

“I thought you moved?” He presses.

“My sister and I moved to DC last month, I’m working at the pentagon now,” you inform him.

“Wow, okay,” you hear shuffling in the background. “Let’s do pizza, you still like Ray’s?” He asks because you two ate there all the time.

“Yeah, how about 1230?”

“Sounds good, see you then,” he hangs up.

Your sister takes your shaking hand but you calm yourself by looking at your beautiful boy.

You think Spencer will want to be a dad, you think he’s mentioned it before. Especially with how absent his father was. But you’re nervous and unsure. He would have every right to be angry with you, Roman was almost three. But it’s better late than never right?

-

“Spencer,” you beam nervously and he hugs you. He seems taller, his hair seems curlier, and he’s got some facial hair. He looks… matured. You wonder what he’s been through, what he’s seen with the BAU since you last saw him.

“Y/N, how are you?” He asks.

“Good, I’m good,” you guys sit outside and make idle chat about work.

You fall into easy conversation over pepperoni pizza and he laughs about some joke your coworker made about Aristotle.

“You said you needed to talk to me?” He crosses his legs and pushes his hair back with his palm(just like Roman does.)

“Spencer…” you shake your head and look down at your lap. Your throat tightens and it all comes down to this moment.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He leans forward and drops his pizza.

“I’m so sorry,” you don’t expect to cry but you do. He drags the metal outdoor chair closer to you and touches your shoulder:

“Sorry for what? What’s going on?” He seems worried.

“I didn’t just leave the BAU for a new position,” you sigh and wipe your eyes. You turn in your chair towards him and pull your knees to your chest.

His brows are furrowed, full and dark just like your sons.

“I got pregnant,” you huff out a shaky breath.

He slides his chair back. You can’t look at him.

“What are you saying?” His voice is low.

“This is Roman,” you slide your phone across the table towards him. Your lock screen is a picture of your son staring at the camera as though he’s far beyond his years.

Spencer inspects it, his eyes scanning the photo frantically.

“That- he…” and then a tear falls down his face. “Do you have more pictures?”

You take your phone and give him your camera roll.

He swipes for a while, he’s biting his lip, his eyes bloodshot.

“He looks just like me,” he whispers a broken whisper and sits back down.

“I know,” you can hardly speak.

“How long have you known he was mine?” He doesn’t sound angry, just… sad.

“I’ve suspected it for a while, he started talking a year ago and… he’s just so smart. Sickeningly so…”

“He could talk at 1?”

“Spencer he can read books and do math at 2 and a half. I could kid myself on his looks for the first year or so of his life but…” you grab his hand and squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” He asks and looks up at you.

“Because… you had just lost Maeve and there was a chance that the baby wouldn’t be yours and I didn’t want to make things harder on you,” you sniffle.

He rubs at his eye like he used to do when he got a headache.

“Why tell me now?” He asks.

“He asks about his daddy. And now that I know for a fact who that is… you deserve to know.”

“Daddy,” he whispers and his voice cracks as he looks at a photo of Roman as a baby baby.

“He’s even wearing…” he points at the picture.

“My sister was trying to make a point,” you smile softly.

He laughs a little at that.

“Do you want to meet him? You don’t have to. You never have to…”

“Of course I do,” he stops you.

“I don’t want anything from you. That’s not why I’m telling you this,” you assure him. “You can be as involved or not involved as you want.”

“Y/N, he’s my son. I want him to know me and I want to know him,” now he’s squeezing your hand. You nod, you’re relieved.

——

“Okay, are you ready?” You ask your son the next day.

“Yes!” He holds up his toy train that he brought his dad to the park.

You spot Spencer at a picnic table in the shade and pick up your son. The wind blows his hair around as you approach. Spencer stands, his eyes lighting up as he beholds Roman.

“Spencer Reid, this is Roman Jacob Reid,” you say proudly.

“Hi,” he smiles and waves at Roman who you stand on the table.

“I got you a train. It has my name on it, see. R-O-M-A-N,” he points at the letters. Spencer lets out an amazed huff and takes the red engine.

“It’s perfect!” He exaggerates.

“I’m changing his last name tomorrow,” you whisper to Spencer. “If that’s okay.”

“That would be amazing,” he smiles down at you.

“Okay stand back,” Roman pushes Spencer away from the table. “I’m going to show mommy that you’re strong because I’m strong and if I’m a superhero you’re a superhero!”

Spencer glances at you and has no idea what he means but then Roman jumps off of the table towards Spencer in a giant leap with a howling laugh. Spencer doesn’t miss a beat and catches him swiftly with the biggest smile of his face.

“See mommy! Strong! Now I know he’s my daddy for sure!” Roman exclaims.

“Romi be gentle with him,” you warn.

“Romi,” Spencer whispers as he tries out the nickname.

“Mommy says you’re a special agent, are you a spy? Like double oh seven?” Roman asks absentmindedly as he places the train into Spencer’s shoulder and moves it back and forth. He’s sitting on the table in front of his dad who looks like the world just fell in his lap. Your heart feels so full.

“Maybe, what do you know about 007?” He grins at his son.

“Some stuff,” he shrugs.

“I do know magic,” Spencer informs him.

“But magic isn’t real!” Roman swats his dad’s chest.

“No?” Spencer pinches Romans ear. “So you always have a quarter in there?”

“Woah!” Roman stands on the table in awe. “Do it again!”

“What about this? Is this yours?” He reaches towards his other ear and brings out a lollipop.

“It is now,” he giggles and snatches it. “Thank you,” he hugs Spencer around the neck.

Spencer looks at you and you’ve never seen him like this. He seems content, amazed, like he’s finally found a puzzle he can’t solve. You’re hugging Roman’s stuffed bear to your chest as you watch them.

“Thank you,” Spencer whispers to you and hugs Roman again. “Now let’s go get some ice cream,” Spencer says.

“Uh-oh you said the magic word,” you taunt as Roman squeals in excitement.

“I wanna be on your back,” Roman tells Spencer who obliges. He wraps his arms around Spencer’s neck, his legs around his waist while Spencer supports his legs.

He follows you to the ice cream shop across from the park. You think for the first time in a while, that everything just might be okay.

“Would it be weird for me to thank you?” You ask Spencer.

“Thank me for what?” He asks and licks his ice cream cone. Roman is in your lap, gently picking singular sprinkles off of his ice cream and eating them first. Like always.

“For him,” you hug him gently and kiss his head. Roman doesn’t react, too lost in his ice cream.

“You carried him, birth him, and raised him on your own until now. I should be thanking you. You’re incredible,” he stares into your eyes. Your heart skips a beat and you look away.

“Let’s just say we’re both grateful for him,” you smile. “I never knew, where you stood on children. If you ever wanted them.”

“Children bring such a light into our lives, especially people like us who work in the dark all of the times they remind us of wonder and innocence and show us compassion and patience. In their presence we are given the opportunity to rediscover the joy in simple moments, the thrill of exploration, and the power of unconditional love. I’ve always wanted children,” he explains.

You don’t know why you had any doubts about him.

“Well, they can be trying too,” you look down at your perfect child. “So I hear,” you shrug and both of you laugh.

[myloveforhergoeson]

October 3rd

Prompt: Bones

"Babe! Panucci's messed up our order!"

James' panicked tone carried from the kitchen to Roxy's bedroom, where she'd sloughed off her coat to hang in her closet while her boyfriend took his time setting up a nice display for their take-out dinner. It wasn't often they'd see eye to eye on what the perfect after-work meal would be - Considering James loved all things healthy and Roxy ate like a bachelor - but tonight, for some reason he'd been craving some pizza and wings, so they swung by the local joint on the way back to 2-H.

"Someone's got to try really hard to fuck up a pepperoni pizza..." The witch replied, emerging from the doorway to stand beside him, taking in the nice spread he had created for them. Two sodas - One Peppy Cola and one Peppy Cola Zero - were popped open, straws inside, while the large pizza box lay open, displaying their piping hot meal. The delicious, meaty smell coiling off the pizza's surface was enough to make Roxy salivate... And everything about the pizza looked just fine, so he turned to her boyfriend and tilted her head in confusion.

With an exaggerated sigh, he flipped open a small box beside the main one, revealing their dozen buffalo wings.

Just the sight of the wings alone made his girlfriend's stomach growl; Everything looked just fine to her.

"They're bone-in!" He cried, pointer finger flying in the direction of their appetizer as though he was accusing someone of murder. "It's such a scam - There's so much less meat!"

Roxy took a breath. She didn't understand what he was talking about at all. Wasn't a wing a wing?

Maybe I'm too accustomed to using bones in my potions... Oh! I have to remember to save them after James throws them out...

"I'm sorry, James... I'll remember to double-check the order before we leave next time." She settled on, lacing her fingers between his. "Unless you'd like to drive back and have them fix it?"

The singer shook his head, long hair sweeping back and forth to match the movement. It was so nonchalant, but had Roxy's knees threatening to buckle regardless. That, paired with the adorable pout on his lips, made her want to forgo the meal entirely and drag him over to the couch and kiss him breathless.

God, he was so adorable.

"No, it's fine..." James assured her, bringing the back of her hand to his lips before letting go and pulling out one of the two chairs for her to sit on. "We've already wasted too much of our alone time to keep worrying about it."

He waggled his eyebrows up and down as Roxy moved in front of him, sitting down as he pushed the seat in.

"So ridiculous," His girlfriend mocked, catching his eye as he moved to sit across from her. The wink he shot her sent a shiver down her spine.

-

The pair ate quickly, breaking down the parts of the day where they were separated at work while he and the band had dance practice with Mr. X and she was stuck in the writer's room with Gustavo.

Oddly enough, the ravaged chicken bones remaining on her plate reminded her of her father; It had been quite some time since they'd spoken and the creamy, ebony shade standing out from her black plastic plate reminded her of the time she and Declan had tried to use similar small bones for divination purposes.

The Somersets were witches by blood. Their set of powers was very, very far off from those of diviners. Though they'd met many back home in Duluth, neither of them were ever able to emulate their strong form of magic.

But that certainly hadn't stopped him from trying.

Declan wanted to know if the Vikings were going to make it to the Superbowl that year and that felt like too dumb of a question to ask a real diviner, so he'd busted out his copy of the family spell book and searched the index to see if any of their ancestors had a section on divine magic.

Somewhere along the family tree, a distant cousin generations back had detailed a divination ritual using similar-looking bones; When dropped onto a mat, the position in which they fell could answer a yes or no question. If they formed vertical lines, their ancestor claimed this to be a "yes" and if they fell horizontal, that formed a "no."

That felt more like chance than divination to the young witch, but her father pulled some of his stash of bones for potions and threw them on the floor of his workshop. They all landed horizontally and that year, sure enough, the Vikings didn't make the Superbowl.

But then again, they hadn't made it that far since 1977, so...

"I still find it hard to believe you don't have a bone-in or boneless wing preference," James shared, pulling her out of her head as she finished off the last bite of her pizza crust. "You're sure you don't like one over the other?"

Wiping the corners of her mouth with one of the white paper napkins she had stashed in a holder in the middle of the small table, Roxy shook her head. "Nope... As long as the flavor's good. You won't catch me complaining."

She stood now, lifting her plate from in front of her and moving in the direction of her trash bin, before doubling back and taking James' as well. "It's nice to know you like boneless though, I'll keep that in mind for the future."

For a moment, the tops of his ears turned red, a smile quirking up on his lips. "We're going to be together for a long time, right? Those are important things to know."

Roxy's foot caught on the leg of his chair as he spoke, stumbling forward and sending the two stacked plates flying across her tiled floor. "Shit!"

Everything clattered to the ground in an unpleasant cacophony of sounds; Now she had a lot more to clean up than a few dishes.

In an instant, James was at her side, checking to make sure she was okay before he bent down to pick up what she had dropped.

As he did, a small bolt of energy zapped through her brain; Something unexplainable was alerting her attention to the floor. "Wait!"

James paused, raising his hands into the air, confusion written all over his face.

The witch hardly had time to take in his cute expression. Her eyes were too busy being drawn to where the chicken bones had clattered onto the gray tile. Each one of them had fallen to the floor completely vertically.

We're going to be together for a long time, right?

Her boyfriend's words echoed in her head as she continued to stare at the bones on the ground.

There was no doubt her face was bright red; James had straightened himself up to take her flamed cheeks into his hands.

"Aw, it's okay, babe! There's nothing to be embarrassed about! I drop things all the time." Quickly, he pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away and gesturing to the mess she'd made. "I'll clean this up - Wanna go find something for us to watch?"

All she could do was nod, despite her fixated gaze on the bones.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss this ritual...

[iridescentprose]

Stranger Things— Steve Harrington x fem!reader

author's note: ask and you shall receive. Thank you for anyone who voted in my poll!

warnings; none. Just fluff.

*pictures are from pinterest an do not belong to me*

"I'm going to buy you a ring one day."

You both were sitting on the floor of your dorm room eating cold pizza when he said this. It was a school night, but that didn't stop him from surprising you with flowers and a large box of pepperoni pizza to share. Despite your class starting the next day at the crack of dawn, you couldn't refuse the offer.

"A what?" You asked, leaning against the wall behind you, swearing you had heard him incorrectly. He was sitting next to you, the pizza box the only thing keeping you two apart.

"You heard me, Mrs. Harrington," he said with a smirk while closing the pizza box. He shoved it aside and took its place, his leg brushing up against yours as he squeezed himself next to you. "When all this is over and things are normal for a while...after you graduate, I'm going to buy you a ring."

He looked at you with determination and a hint of curiosity in eyes, stifling your laughter. In the midst of composing yourself, his hand had somehow found its way onto yours - the one resting on your propped knee - and he grasped it gently, his thumb sweeping over the back of it.

Your relationship - which happened to be the most normal thing in your life right now - was no match for the strange things going on around you both. You weren't privy to all that had transpired that last couple of months given that it was your choice to stay out of the loop for your own sanity.

But after hearing that your boyfriend was nearly mauled to death by demonic bats, you had decided that the eighteen credit hours you were taking seemed trivial.

Dreaming about a ring, a wedding, and a life with Steve seemed trivial.

Steve pressed a kiss to the back of your hand and squeezed it, bringing you back to the present. You smiled and rested your head against his shoulder.

"I'll hold you to that," you said before he chuckled and placed a final kiss to your brow.

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

okay this is only for the italians or people with good tastes + no breaking spaghetti or ketchup or pineapple bc I know it would be a sweep

im sure theres more but I forgor

[angryforestencounter]

My friends, it has often been said that I like cheese.

My friends, I like cheese…

No, friends, I love cheese!

I love gouda.

I love camembert.

I love cheddar.

I love colby, cotija, I love cold-pack cheese, and cottage cheese.

cheese on bread, in breadcrumbs, with pepperoni, with wine, cold from the fridge, melted over bread, with a bit of salt, raw, I love every kind of cheese that exists upon this earth.

I love taking equal bites of cheese to those of other foods so that they complete each other without one or the other dominating.

My heart leaps with joy whenever I see feta speared through with a stick with small meats. And there is nothing like melted burrata dripping from a baguette. And the feeling that comes when the inside is no more but there is still delicious outer layer waiting just for me.

Like when a pallete of many diffrent cheeses finds itself before me. It moves me deep within my heart to watch every single one prepared on tine sticks ready to be served and glorified.

The sight of american cheese melting just right on a burger thanks to its unique nature. And there is nothing more arousing than the smell of sheep cheese presented in so many diffrent forms, shapes and temperatures!

When a free samples cart of glory appears at auchan, one sample for a singular customer and I pull out my fake moustache, I'm in ecstasy.

I love it when my grill does not heat up sufficently but halloumi cheese with its salty flavour still satisfies my hunger by simply making it into a sandvich. It's so sad to see asiago cheese that was supposed to be enjoyed with great joy, being laid to waste in a bin, becouse its moldy appearence frigtens many.

I love to be fed cheese until I cant no more. The humiliation as my dish falls to the ground, forever lost, uneaten.

Gentlemen… All I ask for is cheese, cheese so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers at the table what is it that you really want? Do you wish for more cheese as I do? Do you wish for a delicious, yellow cheese? A cheese which taste is built with milk and herbs and mold? Do you ask for cheese to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even lactose intolerant able to resist!?

CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE!

…Very well. Then cheese is what you shall have. We are a ready fork, ready to plunge down all which is cheesy.

But… After enduring over half a century wallowing in an empty pantry, for us, a simple "ordinary" cheese will no longer be sufficient.

We need a MASSIVE cheese! A cheese beyond any other that man's history has ever known!

We are but a single dining table… The remnants of a defeated dining hall numbering less than ten strong. However, I believe that each of you old connoisseurs is equal to a thousand of ordinary mouth stuffers! We represent a force that could easily a million and one samples!

It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us to a realm with no joy, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live with a lack of cheese. We will remind them of the sound string cheese makes when ripped apart.

We will remind them that there are more kinds of cheese between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.

Our table of ten fellows is going to remind this world of cheese.

Yes, my friends! Soon, Brie's knotted look will decorate our plates!

I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite dining table. Back to our beloved cheese!

…At last, the wine has crossed the cashier`s scanner and is heading towards us. Attention, all soldiers of the Dining Table! This is a message from your fellow.

…Friends… let’s bring them cheese.

[wytchsbrew]

GLTAS: As Things My Family Has Said, Part 1.

Hal, pointing at Kilowog: So, my nipples are the size of tiny pepperonis, but yours are like... big pepperonis. What's up with that?

Kilowog: ...I'm calling the police.

-----------

Guy Gardner: I always said, don't stick your dick in crazy.

Hal: Aren't you a virgin, you fuckin' nerd?

---------

Aya: Razer forgot the word for broom today. Would you like to know what he said instead? Razer, would you like to tell them?

Razer, softly: ..... the sweeps.

---------

Razer: I correctly gendered someone today, and Guy made fun of me, so I called his mother on him.

---------

Hal: Do we need a malewife kitchen?

Aya: Yes.

---------

Razer: Someone asked me out on a date today.

Aya: And what did you do?

Razer: I put my hand on her shoulder, looked her dead in the eyes, and said, "Good luck."

[thekimspoblog]

One-Shot "I'm really starting to hate the Simpsons"

She felt like a monster, her shadow looming large over the sleeping cherub. Kim’s daughter was five years old now. The mop of auburn curls, the ruby red lips, the dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks; the last thing Kim wanted to do was disturb this peace. But she had to. She perched herself on the edge of the twin bed and, gently as possible, started to rouse her.

“Iris?” she whispered, “Iris, baby, wake up”

Reluctantly, the dark blue eyes opened. Already, a bewildered scowl was on her face.

“Sweetheart, we need to leave home. I…”

“Again?”

“... Yes.” Kim replied flatly. Iris only sounded moderately frustrated, but it was still a knife in Kim’s heart. “Take some time to wake up, but in thirty minutes, I need you downstairs with your suitcase. Dad and I will worry about your clothes and toothbrush, but pick out four toys you want to take with you. No more than four, okay? The rest have to stay here”

“I want daddy,” she whined.

“He’s downstairs. Come on, get dressed”

Iris pouted and Kim couldn’t help but feel judged. Sometimes it felt like it was written in the stars, that things between them always had to be just that little bit difficult. And it wasn’t for lack of understanding one another.

She jogged back downstairs, almost out of breath; the day had already been long enough and now night seemed insurmountable.

“How many changes of clothes do you have?” she shouted to Jimmy from across the kitchen.

“Four. Two pairs of jeans and two pairs of sweatpants”

“Do you think you could get by with only two outfits? We can buy more once we figure out where we’re going”

“No, we can’t”

“What?!” Kim hollered back while sweeping the contents of the downstairs medicine cabinet into a plastic bag.

“We’ve been frozen out of our accounts!”

“Son of a bitch!” she slammed the cabinet door closed.

“It’s fine. This is what the rainy day fund is for'' The three year old had already fallen back asleep on Jimmy’s shoulder. He passed Fille to his wife, then scurried down to the basement. He pulled back the fiberglass insulation to reveal bundles of cash stacked like bricks.

Kim anxiously bounced the toddler on her shoulder while trying to rifle through the fridge with her free hand. Where were the snacks? There were never any snacks in this house! She went shopping constantly and still whenever she was hungry, the fridge was empty. All she could find was a large glass jar of applesauce, a jar of peanut butter, a bag of shredded three-cheese, and the leftover pepperoni from a pizza kit; it would have to do.

“How much is there?” she interrogated her husband when he returned to the kitchen.

“A little over five thousand? I didn’t have time to count it”

“Then we’re better off than I thought. Ok: Your clothes? Check. My clothes? Check. Iris’s clothes?”

“They’re in my suitcase” Jimmy shot back.

“Fille’s clothes?”

“They’re in your suitcase”

“Ok. Meds? Check. Cash? Check. Jewelry? Electronics?”

“If the FBI is involved, I’m probably going to have to throw my laptop in the next river we drive past”

“We���ll worry about that later,” Kim yelled up the stairs, “Iris! Ten minutes!”

“What about IDs? We don’t even have any paperwork for Fille yet”

“Good thing she doesn’t make much noise then”

Still no reply from upstairs.

“I’ll go check on her,” Jimmy offered.

“No. I’ll do it. Please finish loading things into the car,” Kim said, taking off before he could answer.

Iris was pathetically fishing her stubby arm down the crevice between her bed and the wall.

“What’s the hold up?” her mother asked.

“Chirin fell down and I can’t reach him,” she explained.

Without skipping a beat, Kim dropped to the floor and crawled under the bed. She fumbled around in the dark until her fingers found something fluffy. She shoved the stuffed lamb in Iris’s hands and exasperatedly asked, “There. You have your lamb. Anything else? Think hard; once we leave this house, we can’t come back”

Iris shook her head. Clearly, the level of worry her parents were showing was not lost on her.

“Good. Then we need to go”

When the two came outside into the driveway, Jimmy was strapping Fille into the back seat of the sedan. Kim hoisted Iris into the car, the five year old still clutching her toy with both hands. Kim heard the trunk slam closed and as Jimmy buckled himself into the passenger’s seat, she heard him mutter something under his breath.

“If this ends with us singing B-I-N-G-O in the woods, I’m going to blow my brains out”

“What was that?” she asked her husband.

“Nothing”

They were a mile down the road. The clock on the dashboard read 2:13 am. Kim stole a glance in the rearview mirror into the passengers seats. The sisters had already fallen asleep again, their heads slumped together. That ratty little lamb. If Kim had lost any childhood toys in this way, she must have been too young to remember. But she remembered the one science project that she had been forced to abandon during a move. It was on solar power; it would have been an A! But on the morning it was time to throw everything in a cardboard box and flee the landlord, she couldn’t find it in time. Kim’s mother never would have dropped everything to help look for it. If Kim had even been stupid enough to ask, she knew her mother would have told her to leave it; it didn’t matter. It did though! That stupid little stuffed sheep mattered. Kim would just have to take some meager reassurance in the fact that she had gotten down on her knees to look for it.

“Iris, you know that I love you, right?” she confessed, waking the girl up.

Iris didn’t respond. She just glared back into the mirror skeptically.

“And I’m sorry, if stability isn’t something I can give you. But you know, a lot of kids’ parents have to move around for work. It’s the hand they’ve been dealt, and they just have to deal with it”

Still no reply.

“But I tried. We both tried. Your father and I have both tried so many times to be people other than ourselves. But we can’t. The masks always slip eventually. And I don’t know if it’s exactly a bright side, but look at it this way: if I was any good at pretending, you wouldn’t be here. I wish I could give you the perfect life. But I have to trust that this is still better than nothing”

Another awkward pause.

“I’m rambling. I guess my point is… sometimes, being yourself comes at the expense of other people. And I want you to know that wherever you go in life, all I want is for you to be yourself. And if it hurts me? Fair’s fair; I’ll owe you that much”

Jimmy put his hand on her leg. The squeeze he gave her was enough to communicate, “Kim, that’s enough. Please stop”

@richeeduvie @2entangledworms @mcwexlerscigarette @chainsawsangel

[storiesofstratos]

Chapter 2: After School Special

Our heroes grab a slice after school-

School was over before I knew it. I was out the door just as soon as I'd grabbed my stuff from my locker. Hopping on my scooter, I made my way quick over to Leo's. Inside the pizzeria, my two friends had already found a table, where I quickly made my way over to. I could already smell the pizza they'd ordered. A simple pepperoni pizza was more than enough to lift my spirits after a long day at school.

“I’m telling you dude,” Jack’s voice was the first I heard. “The Jets are gonna take this season, I just know it.” His fluffy brown hair swayed slightly in the autumn wind, and I noticed him brushing it out of his hazel eyes so he could get a better view of Daniel.

“The Jets?” Daniel sounded surprised and almost offended. I didn’t know much about sports, but it was fun to listen to them get heated about it from time to time. It usually entertained me for an hour or two. “Dude, what are you on about? They’re playing like absolute ass this season. Now the Comets, they’re crushing it. They sweep the Jets easy.”

“Now listen here, you little shit,” Uh oh. Daniel made the fatal flaw of insulting Jack’s team. I wish I had popcorn. “Those are fighting words-”

I cleared my throat to get their attention. “Guys,” I spoke after they finally acknowledged my presence, grabbing myself a slice off the tray. “Am I going to the junkyard by myself tomorrow, or not? Neither of you answered my text last night, and I could probably use the extra hands.”

“Are you still working on that bike?” Daniel asked, a perplexed look filling his emerald green eyes.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure she finished that last week,” Jack answered for me. Well that was something, I didn’t think he paid that much attention. “You’re working on a new project, right? Your little robot thing?”

“It’s not a little robot thing,” I corrected him. “It’s an automated buddy, it can keep track of dates and important events for me, set alarms, and remind me to, well, eat,” I let out a sheepish chuckle as I rubbed the back of my neck. “That, and drink water.”

“Oh, good. Maybe I won’t find you passed out in your garage again,” Jack took a stab at me with his words, causing me to want to duck my head away slightly in shame.

“It was only the one time.”

“That’s one time too many.”

I cleared my throat. “Anyway! Junkyard, tomorrow, after school, you guys in? I could really use the help!”

Jack blinked, letting out a sigh before he answered. “Yeah, I don’t have anything going on tomorrow.”

Daniel was a little more enthusiastic with his reply. “Yeah! That sounds like a lot of fun, I’m totally in!” I had a feeling he would be in. He loved that place almost as much as I did, even if he didn’t go there for spare parts.

“Awesome! Then, do we wanna hit up the arcade tonight?”

Daniel backed away slightly at my offer. “Ahh, actually, I gotta get moving. It’s my turn to cook dinner tonight, mom’s working late so it’ll just be me and Elise tonight.”

“Oh, does she wanna come?” Jack tried once again to extend an invitation. It was true Daniel’s mother worked late a lot. Doctors usually did though.

“Ah, no, probably not. I promised her I’d make her favorite tonight, so she’s probably looking forward to it. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she’s at home already. I gotta hit up the store on the way home,” He stepped away from the table, waving at us before turning and running off. “I’ll catch you guys tomorrow!”

I smiled and returned his wave, watching him slowly disappear into the distance. “Guess it’s just you and me,” My eyes drifted over to Jack, “Bet I can beat you at DDR.”

“Ha. You are so on,” He shoved me playfully before running off toward the arcade, laughing.

“Bastard!” I yelled out after him, chasing him toward the arcade.

[pokemonratingblog]

My experience (& review of) Pokemon Crystal

As part of the entire gimmick of this page, I am replaying and ranking the pokemon games in order.

Due to my experience with pokemon mystery dungeon and also adversity to the other 2 choices, I went for the only reasonable option of Totodile. The naming scheme is pizza ingredients this time, so I named it "Pepperoni". I then did the Mr. Pokemon stuff and immediately caught a zubat, naming it "Sausage".

After some grinding I ended up in Violet City. Because of this, I trespassed into Bellsprout Tower. Zubat in hand, I sucked off a whole lot of bellsprout. Alas, I didn't have a big enough PP to suck them all off, so I had to go back to the pokemon center numerous times.

After successfully sucking off all of the bellsprout in the building, I decided to grind my zubat to lvl 12 (when it learns a move that isnt leech life) and challenge Falkner's gym. In the process of getting my zubat to a reasonable level, I also got my totodile to lvl 13, when it learns water gun. And let's just say… I didn't realize his ace was lvl 9. I won't blame the game for this because it was entirely my fault for not looking at the gym leader's levels. It was an easy win.

After that, I did the ruins of alph puzzle, saw some cool unown, and ended up back in violet city. I went through the cave, caught a geodude (who i named cheese), did the team fodder slowpoke quest, and entered the gym. Bugsy is really no different from a fodder trainer so I swept him with my geodude. Silver used a mix of good flinch rng and an unusually tanky lvl 14 zubat to give me some trouble so I ended up losing, but I won on the 2nd try.

Afterwards, I ended up in the ibex forest. which has lvl 5 pokemon. I'm once again starting to see why I hate gen 2 so much. I found a level 5 oddish and I'm willing to bring back the time honored tradition of having an oddish that knows cut. This time I'll actually use it though because this game probably won't be as easy as red and blue. I named it pineapple.

I reached goldenrod city. the home of whitney's infamous miltank that really isnt even that difficult. I went to route 35 to grind up my team to lvl 19/20. It was here my totodile evolved into croconaw. As for the whitney fight? As I said earlier, She was pretty easy. It's questionable how she has a reputation for being so difficult when all you need is anything that resists rollout/stomp (eg. any rock type) to win. I spent quite a bit wandering around aimlessly all confused before I realized I needed to talk to her again to get the badge because she's too busy crying about it. Amazing.

After obtaining the squirt bottle, I headed to route 26 to beat the shit out of a tree. I wanted to catch it but the geodude I have is already a rock type and I don't need two rock types.

I ended up in ecruteak city, one gym leader until the game truly opens up into the worst nonlinear experience of all time. I beat all 5 kimono girls because geodude is comically overpowered and shouldnt get magnitude as early as she does. Before fighting Morty, I decided to grind my team to around lvl 22-23. Why? because zubat evolves into golbat at that level and my zubat has bite to deal super effective damage. Though Morty's team consists of exclusively poison types and gen 2 was before the era of levitate, so i could probably sweep with geodude, I want to have a bit of fun with this gym.

I enter the burnt down tower in ecruteak and face my rival, silver, who I've affectionately named "Fuckwit". It was about the furthest you could get from a difficult fight because I have a golbat and he has a team that's very weak to golbat. The magnemite isnt an issue so long as I remember that I have a ground type. I then proceeded to fall and break both of my legs on the way down. I also met some cool dogs.

I enter morty's gym. It seems that he was taking notes from gen 1's gym leaders because he was a disgustingly easy fight. Literal clean sweep with golbat. Horrible gym leader. And to think that this guy is the 4th gym leader? that this guy is the halfway point for the Johto region? shameful.

Before leaving ecruteak, I got my surf HM and taught it to my croconaw for a powerful stab move (and the ability to reach the 5th gym leader, RNG god Chuck. After reaching olivine, I healed my pokemon, checked out the sick pokemon lighthouse (where my oddish evolved into gloom and geodude into graveler), and then once again began a voyage, setting sail to Chuck's RNG island for medicine and also the privilege of fighting a guy who spams hypnosis. I then had to go back to olivine city because the HMs are hidden in random ass spots in Johto. After that, I cleanly swept Chuck with my golbat, not taking a single hit of damage. This is because he did not have good rng. This gym sucked.

After my beautiful encounter with the divine goddess of luck, I fed the sick ampharos an unknown concoction and fought jasmine. Her ace was actually hard to beat. Certainly a hard fight, which is a pleasant surprise for a game as easy as this. I ended up losing the first try after her ace oneshot the only pokemon I had that was capable of taking care of a magnemite. Some lucky crit RNG made the 2nd try a breeze though.

I then proceeded to enter Mt. Mortar, AKA random encounter hell. In random encounter hell, my Golbat finally evolved into a Crobat, marking the first time i've ever used crobat in a pokemon game.

Afterwards, I entered Mahogany Town, home of the worst gym leader in Johto. A gym leader who's highest level pokemon is 4 levels lower than the previous gym leader's highest level pokemon. On my way to the lake of rage, I encountered Entei, who broke out of my balls and fled. Unfortunate but I probably wouldn't have used it anyways.

I then proceeded to the lake of rage with one goal in mind: kill the red gyarados :3. In fulfilling this goal, I have killed the red gyarados. I already have croconaw I don't need another physical water type with good all around stats. After meeting with lance, I went to the team fodder emporium to dispose of more lvl 16 zubats and grimers 6 badges into the game. Truly wonderful game design. This is actually where I dropped HGSS at when I first played it. Every time you pass a statue you have to fight 2-3 rocket grunts, each of which having about half a team of pokemon who are way lower level than they should be. Had it not been for god's gift of emulator speedup this game would be completely fucking unplayable. As much as I love lance this is easily the worst section of the game so far.

After going through team fodder hell, I was finally able to challenge the easiest gym in the game. My team has a poor matchup to ice though, with 3/4ths of them being weak to ice. This gym was actually decently difficult for me because of my team's poor matchup, but it still only took me 1 try. After the gym, my croconaw evolved into a feraligatr.

After this, I went to the ice cave. My goal? to catch a jynx. I want an ice type and I want a psychic type and I haven't used jynx before. Alas, it was nighttime so I got a sneasel instead. I don't mind using a sneasel, but the issue is that ice and dark are both special types. and sneasel has pitiful special attack. so I had to pass on both the jynx and sneasel. I still wanted a 5th team member, But I wasnt sure what I wanted.

It was at this point I realized I do not have the HM for fly. So I had to backtrack all the way to cianwood for the HM so I could teach it to my crobat.

I flew back to blackthorne only to realize I still need to defeat team rocket. Which is confusing because I thought I had already did that. But I had managed to completely miss wherever it was said that team rocket would be in the goldenrod radio tower. It's not the game's fault but I felt like I had to mention it.

I notice this random rocket executive has 6 pokemon. This is notable because no other trainer has had 6 pokemon yet, not even the gym leaders. However, the pokemon are all koffings, which is a shame. I was hoping for at least a semi-interesting fight.

I made my way to the underground area. This silver fight has 5 pokemon but one of them is a lvl 28 magnemite and another one is a sneasel. Thus, this silver fight was a major pushover. I like silver's character arc but there's been no story apart from it and a bunch of team fodder fights. This switch puzzle is unnecessarily complicated and confusing, and It's making this area feel more like a puzzle game than a pokemon game. Especially considering all the trainers in this area are terrible jokes.

I made my way to floor 3f of the radio tower to hopefully cap off the single most mind numbingly boring part of this game. I got swept by the last trainer because I got really shitty paralyze RNG because my crobat was paralyzed earlier so I had to do the fight again. Because I did the fight again I oneshot all 3 of his pokemon with my feraligatr's surf. Moving on.

I headed to Blackthorn to fight 3 dragonair clair because they couldnt bother giving the last gym leader anything interesting. The gym puzzle was one of the cooler ones, i'll admit. However, I literally just led crobat and did nothing but spam fly and won. She's literally the 8th gym leader. Why. Why couldnt they give her more pokemon. This game is mind numbingly boring so I was actually kinda hyped for this fight but ig not.

I did the dragon cave stuff and got a Dratini. I named it Anchovy. I'm starting to regret getting it because I know I'll have to grind it up to a usable level. fun.

I struggle to even figure out how to reach Kanto in the first place. I had to google it.

I reached victory road. My morale here is at 0. I just want to get to the elite 4 and get it over with because this shit sucks. I'll cover the rest of kanto in a seperate review because I'm not sure I can handle this slog too much longer. Or I wont at all. Depends on if I'm willing to give this game a second shot. But this review isn't over until I beat Lance so I'm looking forward to that.

I ran into silver in victory road. Unfortunately, this was seconds after a random graveler self destructed on my feraligatr. So I was basically going 3 pokemon against 6 here. I still won though because his team fucking sucks AYOOOO. No but seriously his team still has a golbat on it.

After an incredibly painstaking victory road grind to get my 5 pokemon to lvl 42-44, I was finally ready to challenge the elite four and champ. Will's 2nd xatu and exeggutor gave me some trouble, but he was easy apart from that. Koga was an incredibly easy fight, with a horrible team, mediocre typing, and a bunch of evasion-reliant movesets. Bruno was also incredibly easy, all his fighting types were fodder for my crobat and his onix is a very questionable choice. Karen was a very hard fight and lord knows that vileplume was utter hell to face. Also her strong pokemon weak pokemon quote is corny as hell.

The lance fight. I really, REALLY regret not having a 6th party member. This is a genuinely fun and interesting fight but my brain can't enjoy it because i'm too tired because of literally every fight before this one just being time wasting slop. It's 1 am and i've lost to lance an uncountable number of times.

Finally beat lance. Genuinely super great champion fight, like a beautiful cherry atop a mound of shit.

Here was my team:

POKEMON CRYSTAL MAIN GAME (no kanto excluding victory road/e4 & champ)

RATING: 6/10

PROS:

Great champion fight against lance

Solid early game

Lots of content

CONS:

Horrible region design

Horrible level scaling

Has multiple of the most boring sections I've ever had to deal with in a pokemon game

Horrible pokemon diversity

Easy as shit

Tons of content locked behind kanto postgame (such as evolution stones, pokemon like houndour, etc)

Genuinely just really fucking boring holy shit. I cant stress this enough. The hardest battle in this game is fighting sleep. I'd have died without emulator speedup.

[tshepithepizzamaker]

Pizza: The Perfect Comfort Food for Cold Weather

As the temperature drops and chilly winds sweep in, there’s nothing quite like a warm, comforting meal to lift your spirits. For me, pizza has always been my go-to comfort food when the weather turns cold. It’s hearty, satisfying, and perfect for cozy nights in.

Pizza isn’t just food—it’s an experience. The smell of dough rising in the oven, the sizzle of cheese melting on top, and the warmth of that first bite can make even the coldest days feel a little brighter. Whether you’re curled up with a blanket watching your favorite show or sharing slices with loved ones, pizza has a way of bringing warmth and comfort to any moment.

To help you enjoy this season’s cozy vibes, I’m sharing a simple pizza recipe that’s easy to make and guaranteed to keep you warm.

Easy Homemade Comfort Pizza Recipe

Ingredients:

Pizza Dough:

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp instant yeast

1 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup warm water

1 tbsp olive oil

Toppings:

1/2 cup pizza sauce (store-bought or homemade)

1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1/2 cup pepperoni slices (or any favorite toppings)

1/4 tsp dried oregano (optional)

Instructions:

Make the Dough:

In a large bowl, mix the flour, yeast, sugar, and salt.

Add warm water and olive oil. Stir until the dough begins to form.

Knead the dough on a floured surface for about 5 minutes until smooth.

Place the dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with a kitchen towel, and let it rise for about 30-45 minutes.

Preheat the Oven:

While the dough is rising, preheat your oven to 220°C (425°F).

Shape the Dough:

Once the dough has risen, roll it out on a floured surface into your desired pizza shape—round or rectangular. Transfer it to a baking sheet or pizza stone.

Assemble Your Pizza:

Spread pizza sauce evenly over the dough.

Sprinkle mozzarella cheese generously on top, then add your favorite toppings like pepperoni, veggies, or anything you love.

Optional: sprinkle a pinch of oregano for added flavor.

Bake:

Bake the pizza in the preheated oven for 12-15 minutes, or until the crust is golden and the cheese is bubbly.

Serve:

Let the pizza cool slightly before slicing. Serve hot and enjoy the warm, comforting flavors of homemade pizza!

This simple recipe is perfect for those chilly nights when all you want is something warm and satisfying. Pizza truly is comfort food at its best, and the beauty of it is that you can customize it however you like—whether you’re a classic cheese lover or someone who enjoys piling on the toppings.

So, next time the cold weather rolls in, grab some ingredients, make this easy pizza, and let the warmth of the oven—and the pizza—bring some comfort to your day.

Stay warm and enjoy

Tshepi, The Pizza Maker

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 529, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

WORDS: 1202

I was withdrawing a toothpick from the two freshly baked loaves of bread when I felt the vibrations of the garage door opening underneath my feet. I glanced over at the digital clock over the stove and wrinkled my nose at the early time- 12:19 AM. Peter and the girls wouldn’t be back until around 2:30, or so I was led to believe- what on earth had happened to make them return so soon?

“What in the name of Saint Barnabas are they doing back so soon?” I muttered as the heavy thumps flying up the stairs told me that Peter was rushing up. My eyebrows scrunched together as the door flew open, Peter coming into the dining room with a hysterically sobbing Elizabeth tucked away in his arms. Katie bought up the rear, toting Elle and Jing in her arms as she trailed closely behind.

“Sweetheart,” Peter froze at the sight of me out of the master bedroom and on my two feet as little girl and Baby Tommy chewed on freshly washed blueberries from where they were sitting on the kitchen counter. Baby Eve was nestled in a laundry basket, full with freshly washed towels, rending her into a Moses like situation.

“My love?” I asked him, concerned as Isabelle helped the younger members of the Ratajczyk family down and I waddled over to investigate the source of the unhappy sounds.

“Bitty had an emotional breakdown right in the middle of the 9/11 museum,” Peter translated for me as he rubbed calming circles into her back. “I’ll be back in a minute, I’m going to go tuck her into her bed really quickly, okay?”

I turned to whipping up grilled cheese and pepperoni sandwiches and garlic seasoned French fries, which Elizabeth had revealed to me was her favorite things that I would make to eat. I took those simple to make foods to be her comfort foods and I knew that one way to stop tears and unhappy thoughts was with food made with love from the heart.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing out of bed?”

I didn’t turn as I pieced together one pan with slices of bread and cheese and another pan with more bread. I slid everything into the oven to broil for four minutes while I got the pizza sauce and Elizabeth’s favorite vegetable toppings at the ready and got a third pan, this one with plain, unseasoned French fries ready and slid it in as well.

“I baked some bread this morning- blueberry oatmeal bread and cinnamon bread,” I explained as I waddled about the kitchen, smiling as the babies began to sweep using a little dust brush and dust pan that I had hidden away under the kitchen sink. “Thank you both- oh, such helpful babies!”

Isabelle slid the trash open for little girl to carefully dump the now full dust pan into, not dropping even a crumb.

“Thank you both sweet babies for keeping an eye on mommy while I was out with your big sisters,” Peter acknowledged their hard work at keeping their beloved mommy and unborn siblings out of trouble as he rolled up his sleeves and got to work washing the dishes in the sink for me. “Hey Isabelle? How are classes going for you?”

“Pretty good,” she answered in a happy tone of voice. “I just had a meeting with my guidance counselor last week, and they told me that I’m set to graduate in like about three years, if everything goes as according to plan, that is. They are going to mail me a copy of my class plan that we both worked on together. I’m currently enrolled in getting my bachelor’s degree, but I’m hoping to get my master’s at some point.”

“Well, if you ever need to take a semester off to take care of your mental health, you can do that and Peter and I won’t mind any,” I told her, taking a step backwards and using my hands to lift up my pregnancy stretched tummy. Peter got down onto his knees behind me and offered his assistance in supporting my uncomfortable stomach.

“I saw something on Pinterest about using tape to help with a bulging stomach during pregnancy,” Isabelle revealed. “Do you want to try it?”

“Isabelle, remember that I’m carrying triplets, and K-tape is mostly designed for mothers who are pregnant with one baby,” I told her. “But it’s worth a shot!”

Fifteen minutes later, Peter was wrapping me with dark green duct tape, a hasty substitute for kinesiology tape.

“Oh my god, Peter-” I suddenly called out. “Getting this stuff off of me is going to be murder.”

“Papa Pete?” little girl meeped as she toddled closer to him. “Me and Baa bee Tom Tom want some tapesies pleases?”

He took a short pause from taping me up to gift her with two short little strippies of dark green duct tape.

Katie and Jing both kept an eye on the babies while Isabelle helped me hold the weight of my tummy up so that my handsome older soulmate’s ‘wonder tape’ could be applied.

Mittens and Primrose wandered into the room, the skunklet’s fluffy tale high up in the air as she gave chase to her not a skunk mother. The motherly cat came and stood directly below me, letting out a concerned meow.

MEOW Mittens asked me, doing a Michael Myers head tilt as she supervised her human daddy, making certain that he wasn’t hurting her unborn kittens. MEOW

“Alright now sweetheart, that should do it,” Peter announced, him and Isabelle taking a step backwards as I broke out into a pleased smile.

“Well, the discomfort is still there, but it’s not quite as bad!” I announced with a happy smile.

“YAY YAY!” cheered Baby Tommy, little girl heading their happy dance.

“Yay yay is indeed right,” I giggled. “Yay yay.”

Gramercy, thank you, old French?

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

[littlescaryinternetguy]

I am staring at you from across a mahogany desk that has its own zip code. My haircut, like my cheekbones: severe. My chair is rich Corinithian leather. On the desk, there is only a Rubik's cube (to your left) and a small gilt-framed card that says YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO WORK HERE... BUT IT HELPS! I am staring at you from across the mahogany desk. I have been staring for seven minutes. I stand up, never breaking eye contact, and sweep the Rubik's cube and the card off of the table. I climb onto the table. The only sound is the white noise machine and, from my pocket, the sounds of Pokemon GO. I get right up in your face. "Giants that call you 'little dude'," I say, my voice maintaining a preternaturally constant tone and volume. "Giants that call you 'short stuff'. 'L'il bit'." My eyelashes brush against yours. A single bead of sweat falls from my cheek, shatters with the sound of a thousand plate glass windows breaking. "Giants that call you 'big guy'. Do you understand me. Do you get where I'm coming from." Those aren't questions, they are tent pegs driven into the soft earth of your forebrain. "Are you picking up what I'm putting down."

I sit back on my haunches, there on the top of my very very large desk. I look down at you in your chair. Without breaking eye contact, I pull the pizza box you have delivered to me slowly in my direction. I reach into my chest pocket and pull out a thousand dollar bill, roll it up into a small tube, and stick it behind your ear. The pizza is extra pepperoni. The grease makes the cardboard shimmer. You nod once.

"You work for me now," I say. I stand up, on my desk, and do a backflip. I land on my ass in my large chair. My hair is perfect. A panel in the ceiling opens and a party hat drops onto my head. One of those curly party honkers drops into my hand. I blow it once. Fwerble, it wheezes.

"Do you want a Coke or something. Coke's in the fridge," I say, same tone, same low volume. I reach into a drawer and take out a remote control. I press a button and the enormous picture window behind me, from which you can see the entirety of Neo-Tokyo, shimmers and is replaced with an image of a sun with a baby's face.

I smile, and once again there is the sound of a thousand windows breaking. "Time for Teletubbies," I say. You hear the door lock behind you.

heyyy, sorry to tell you but people are making your favorite character a giant :/ yeah with weird dom overtones. like ik he’d be a whimpering tiny but they’re making him say “little one” and shit

[venkidu]

Amy Terasu's AmaArcade!

Summary: Yomi Hellsmile needs to find a way to rid Kanai Ward of the scourge known as the Nocturnal Detective Agency. He also needs to find a way to punish his idiot underlings for failing him so many times. The opportunity to kill two birds with one stone comes in the form of a closed-down arcade.

Rated T for language, humor and alcohol consumption

Cross-posted on Ao3

*EXTREMELY CANON-DIVERGENT FROM THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER FOUR* *Slight spoilers for every chapter through chapter 4*

Chapter 4: You Forgot The Pickles (Anchovies)!

Zilch Alexander stared at the ingredients on the counter in front of him.

Pepperoni. Mozzarella cheese. Olives. Bleach. Onions. Window cleaner.

He felt like he was forgetting something.

Something important.

He sighed as he began to roll out another pile of dough.

Ever since the incident on the Amaterasu Express, his memory had been fuzzy.

He was always leaving his keys in weird places. And he often found himself lost in different parts of Kanai Ward.

He begged Yomi for more training for this job, but Yomi insisted that Amy Terasu’s opened as quickly as possible.

Zilch knew his body was capable of the tasks given to him, it was just his mind that had started to lag behind as of late.

He was grateful that Mr. Makoto had suggested putting Zilch on kitchen duty for the time being. There weren’t as many manuals to memorize and he had the added benefit of having written orders tacked to the cork board above his work station. Yomi agreed with the assignment and even helped Zilch organize the kitchen and set the ingredients out.

But he knew he was forgetting something important. Was it something that Yomi had told him? He squeezed his eyes shut as he racked his brain.

He didn’t want to disappoint Chief Yomi again. He didn’t think his heart could take it.

“HEY DUMBASS, YOU FORGOT THE ANCHOVIES FOR TABLE FIFTEEN,” Seth shouted through his megaphone, jarring the cook out of his thoughts.

Zilch jumped, causing little bits of sausage to come flying out of the container he was holding.

“LANGUAGE!” Guillaume shrieked from up front.

“SORRY!” Seth shouted back before turning back towards Zilch “SOR-” He paused at the sight of Zilch’s eyes, wide behind his glasses, and lowered his megaphone. “Sorry.”

He stepped into the kitchen.

“I didn’t mean to yell,” he sighed, crouching down to help Zilch sweep up the spilled toppings.

“It’s okay, I screwed up again,” Zilch sighed. That’s what he had forgotten. Pizza toppings.

Seth shook his head. “It’s our first day, none of us are going to be perfect at this. We’re all stressed. I’m stressed about having to talk to people and you’re stressed about remembering things and all of us are stressed about this parole program. We should all be helping each other, not using each other as punching bags.”

He tipped the dustpan full of sausage into the garbage can and washed his hands.

“I’ll stop by in between tables and help you crank out some pizzas. Maybe you’re just having trouble because you’re all by yourself in here and you’re feeling a little rushed,” he suggested.

“Maybe,” Zilch shrugged. Zilch studied the cork board for a moment before pulling some tickets off. “You said that last pizza was for table fifteen, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Another table had half sausage-and-pepperoni and half cheese around the same time it looks like. I wonder if that’s why I got confused.”

“Maybe. Your board is kind of a mess too, but I think I have a way to fix that as well. Let me go check on my tables and I’ll be back!” Seth left the kitchen with a wave.

Zilch grabbed another pile of dough and began to knead it.

The repetitive motions helped.

Yomi.

Bleach.

Pizza toppings.

Bleach.

Zilch suddenly stood up straight.

He remembered now!

There should be separate buckets for rags and utensils that had touched meat versus those that hadn’t. He wiped the flour off his hands before mixing a second bleach solution.

That was a close one.

[quellmythirst]

After A Long Day

Summary: After a long day at work your boyfriend finds ways to help you relax.

Pairing: Reader x Billy Russo

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: 18+Only Minors DNI, smut, choking, oral (both), hands stuff, Daddy kink, spit, Praise, degradation, swearing, knife play, I'm sure other shit I forgot. (let me know)

AN: Greetings my loves and welcome to a break from the sad shit and see me trying to cure my depression with smut.

Fuck it had been a long day, meeting after meeting, after meeting. It felt like it was never going to end. Throwing your apartment door open you sniff at the air, the scent of fresh pizza wafting into your nose. You drop your bag on the hall stand, kicking your shoes off to the side, strolling your way into the kitchen like a floating cartoon following the smell.

“In here, Kitten,” Billy calls from the kitchen. You turn the corner and you see he’s in his favourite pair of black sweats, a tea towel stuffed into the hem of his pants.

“You make this for me?” you ask, your hand gliding along the smooth edge of the granite counter as you approach.

“Sure did,” he winks, his head tilting towards the mess of dough and toppings that is sitting on the counter behind him. Taking a plate from the cupboard, he throws a couple of slices onto a plate for you, “looks like you've had a hard day,” his hand on your back, leading you to the couch. You all but fall into it, your legs aching from being in heels all day. Billy smiles his sweetest smile at you, handing you the plate while he sits down next to you. 

“Thank you,” you mumble with a mouth full of pepperoni. Billy lifts your feet onto his lap, his hand gliding up your legs one at a time, unclipping your stockings and gently dragging them down, his nails scraping at your soft skin, his eyes watching intently as your bare legs are revealed to him “Billy,” you begin to protest but he stops you with a stern look.

“Let me look after you,” he says, squeezing your mango scented lotion onto his hand. Rubbing it between his fingers, warming the cream before he starts massaging it into your achy feet, his thumbs sweeping up and pressing in hard to work out the knots from your arches.

“Fuck, that's good,” you say, your voice a little more breathless than you expected, your ass lifting up as you relax further into the couch.

“Finished?” he asks, taking the plate from you and placing it on the coffee table, moving fast so that he doesn’t lose a second of contact. His steady fingers stroke up your calf when he gazes up at you with those beautiful dark eyes, “take your shirt off,” he commands in a soft tone, his long fingers making their way up your leg.

You start slowly untucking your blouse from your pencil skirt, pulling it over your head, your lustful eyes staring into those deep dark depths, smiling seductively at him when you drop it on the floor. 

His beard starts to tickle you when his lips follow his fingers up the inside of your thigh. He tugs on your skirt, trying and failing to get his hand under it. “Why is this so tight?” he grumbles, his brow furrowing in annoyance at the length and rigidness of the material, “turn over Kitten,” he says, his hands palming at your sides when he flips you onto your tummy.

“Let me get the zip,” his fingers kneed and dig into your thighs, his lips press down on your shoulder distracting you from the zip that's sliding down, “Your pretty ass is in the way,” he tries to pull your skirt over your ass, but it gets stuck, “fucking hell Kitten, how do you get in this thing?” he asks, trying to pull at it from the side.

“Practice,” you smile into the cushion, your hands digging around in between them when you find something cold brush against your finger, “here Daddy,” you say in a sweet voice, reaching behind you to hand him the butterfly knife.

“Really?” he says, a smirk on his lips when your eyes light up as he flips the knife open.

“Yeh, do it.  I've got heaps o-” the cold metal nips your side grazing down your hip and past your ass. The sound of ripping fabric echoes in your ears, sending tingles down your back and into your pussy. “Fuck,” you moan when his hands sieze the skirt, ripping it down the middle and discarding it onto the ground. A loud crack ringing, when his hand slaps onto your ass.

“I think you made a mistake with this Kitten,” he says, skimming the knife up your back. The sharp edge of the blade slicing your bra band in half before slashing the straps too. The snap of the elastic makes your arm jerk, flinching and somehow still hot. You almost want to ask him to do it again, when Billy’s deep voice is in your ear, “Lay still,”  he says pressing you down into the couch, “I'm not finished yet,” your spine shivers as the blade tingles it’s way down your back and slides it into the tiny piece of ribbon you called panties.

“Daddy,” you turn your head, raising your ass, pussy starting to throb in need of his touch, “I-” you start to squirm.

“I said lay still Kitten,” he says, pressing the flat edge of the knife into your ass, “you going to listen to me?” You nod trying your best not to move, “are you going to listen to me,’ he repeats, pressing the knife in just a bit harder.

“Yes, yes Daddy,” you cry, a soft moan escaping when the elastic ribbons flick your pussy.

“Good girl.” he stabs the knife into hardwood coffee on the table. Your eyes bulge out, before you hold your hand over your mouth to keep from reprimanding him for putting even more holes in the furniture. “Don’t hide those sounds for me,” he scolds you, pulling your hand from your face.

His calloused fingers slip back down upon your now bare skin, trailing gentle touches and kisses along your back. You start to whine, getting all hot and bothered with none of the touching where you need it most. “This what you want Kitten?” His low voice reverberates in your ears as he swipes a finger through your pussy. 

“Yes,” you pant, pressing back into his touch, “just a little higher,” pleasure tingles in your legs, your toes, creeping its way up into your now throbbing pussy. Billy’s thick thumb presses down on your clit, soft teasing circles that aren't firm enough to send you over the edge, while his long fingers sweep through you.

“Tell me what you want,” he kisses the question into your neck, while his fingers graze lazily, only stopping to torture you before continuing the soft rhythm on your clit. His gradual pace builds you up, dangling you along the fine cliffs edge of your bliss.

“Want to cum,” you whine, peering over your shoulder at him, begging at him with small tears in your eyes.

“Oh, but Daddy hasn't given you permission Kitten and you know you can't cum without it,” he teases, a long finger pressing at your hole, “you want my finger?”

“Yes, please,” you start to beg, trying to move your hips back into him.

“There ya go,” his finger slides into you, curling inside and lightly patting your delicate walls, while his thumb continues slowly toying with your clit, “this what you wanted?”

“More,” you beg, it wasn't enough, you need it harder, but his soft strokes are making your brain rot, keeping you right on the edge.

“More what?” 

“Please,”

“Not what I meant Kitten,” he laughs, plunging another finger inside of you, moving them just  a little faster, "beg better," he stares down at you, and you oblige him, making those sad puppy dog eyes while they flick between his face and his hand, “this what you want baby? More of Daddy's fingers?”

“A-hmm,” you moan, pressing back into his hand, you feel your body tingle all over. The urgent need to cum makes your clit and your pussy pulse and throb. “wanna cum, please, please Daddy.”

“Oh. My sweet Kitten,” his teeth latch on your shoulder, “cum for me, come on baby, cum,” he chants into your ear his hand holding you down as you begin to convulse on the couch. 

“Good girl,” he says slowly, removing his fingers from your pussy, “lift your head up,” he commands with a slap when you don't listen, too lost in your post orgasmic bliss. His long fingers twist through your hair, yanking you back so you're sitting back on your thighs, “clean Daddy's hand Kitten,” the pads of his fingers wet with your cum graze along your bottom lip, “open,” your mouth falls open, sucking them in. Your tongue lathes and swirls, licking, getting every drop of your cum. Billy moans with every swipe of your tongue, pushing his fingers deeper and deeper down your throat until you're gagging around them.

“Want something else Kitten? Something to really fill your throat?”

“A huh,” you nod, turning on the spot while he He makes quick work of his pants, dropping them on the floor with your ruined skirt. Sitting up on his knees while your mouth dripping with saliva.

“Open that pretty mouth Kitten,” the head of his cock pushes into your lips, the traces of his precum lingering on your tongue as you suck in the swollen head of his cock. Your tongue darting out, licking along the heavy vein on the underside of his thick cock, “YeS, such a good girl,” he praises you, tangling his fingers in the hair at the back of your neck, “fit it in. I know you can baby,”

You inhale through your nose as you take him deeper, the heaviness of his cock pressing into your tonsils. Peering up at him you relax your jaw, your throat stretching, he glides down deeper while your tongue presses into the underside of his cock. Your hands glide up gripping firmly into his thighs to keep your balance. 

Your bare pussy brushes against your thigh and you feel just how wet you are. Lifting your ass up, you grind down onto your leg. Your moan vibrates around Billy’s cock and you see him shiver as he starts to thrust deep into your mouth, wiping away the tears that are misting in the corner of your eyes. “Fuck you’re beautiful,” he says pulling his thick cock from your mouth, “keep it open for me,” his fingers cup your jaw while his thumb nudges on your bottom lip as he spits into your mouth, “my good little whore, swallow it.” He watches before leaning down and licking into your mouth, devouring you in a captivating kiss, “let me taste us,” he moans, spitting into your mouth again. Leaning forward Billy squishes your body beneath his, covering you with every inch of him. 

“Please, fuck me,” you start to beg, arching up onto his warmth, his hard cock nudging at your opening.

“This what you want?” He swipes his cock through your drenched pussy, “Want Daddy to fuck you? Want my big hard cock to stretch you out and fill you up?” He presses the head of his cock into your tight hole, the burn delicious as you spread around him thrusting with just the tip, “you like feeling Daddy's cock stretch you Kitten?”

“Ye--ssss,” you moan as he thrusts all the way in, your pussy clenching around him when he tries to pull back out.

“Shit, you're holding me so tight I can barely move,” he pants as he starts to kiss into your collar bone, “relax, let me take care of you,” his hand reaches up squeezing at your breast, his fingers toying with your nipple. He finally pulls back out before thrusting back into your warmth. “That's it Kitten, you take it so well..” 

“Oh you look like you wanna cum again,” he teases, moving his hand up from your tit to your throat, gently squeezing at the sides, his eyes meet yours, delighting in the way your face contorts, “cum Kitten, cum again for Daddy,” his fingers press down, limiting your breathing, lightning sparks through you. Your body starts to shake and shiver underneath him, panting and moaning his name, Billy keeps his pace steady as he fucks you though your second orgasm. 

He taps on the underside of your leg and you know that means he wants you to get up. “Turn around, baby,” he directs you, helping you move when your legs collapse under you like jelly, carefully leaning you against the armrest, “keep that ass up for Daddy,” You press your head down, resting it on your arm when you feel a tingle run from your pussy up your spine. “Fucking delicious,” he moans sticking his tongue inside your dripping pussy, lapping at your insides. His strong fingers grasping at your hips and ass forcing your pussy onto his face. 

His lips clamp down on your clit, sucking it into his expert mouth. His long fingers curl inside you, pressing down on your g spot, “I can't, i-” you moan, your knuckles turning white as you grip the underside of the couch just to keep yourself in place.

“Yes you can,” he encourages you, his heavy breath on your clit, “don't you want to be a good girl for me?” he licks at you making you shake, “don't you want to make Daddy happy?” His tongue caresses your pussy, drinking down every drop of juice you give him.

“Fuck, yes,” you moan, your legs almost going numb your head becoming a void. Your attention focuses on Billy, on his fingers, his tongue, his breath. “FuCk”

“Then you're going to take it and give me what I want,” his fingers are fast at replacing his tongue while he continues sucking your clit into his mouth, flicking his firm tongue over it, making you spasm. He spreads you open, covering himself in your cum, “cum for me again, cum all over me Kitten, I want to be covered in you,” his moans vibrate on your clit and your mind goes white as you collapse into the armrest. The only thing holding you up Billy's hand around your waist.

“Need to get back in,” he pants, shoving his cock into your sensitive pussy and you can already feel another orgasm approaching fast. His hand grips tight at the back of your neck, pushing your face down as he pounds into you, “tell me who owns you, tell me who owns this pussy,” he commands, lifting your head back.

“You,” you moan, your cunt fluttering around Billy’s throbbing cock.

“Who makes you cum like this?”

“Daddy,”

“Such a good fucking whore for me,” he bites down on your back, “fuck Kitten I'm close,” he twines his fingers into your hair again, the other coming around to play with you clit, “you going to be a good whore and cum with Daddy?”

“Yes,” your back arches and your feet cramp as you try not to move when he hits that perfect spot, inside you. 

“Then cum Kitten,” You try to shake, try to move but your body goes stiff when your orgasm rips through you. He keeps pumping into you, his thrusts faltering as he gets closer and closer. His grip tightening on your neck, yanking you back and capturing your lips with his. The taste of your cum still on his lips, lingering in his beard. You swallow his moans, licking at your juice while his hot cum pumps into you. You're aching pussy clenching, fluttering and taking every single drop that he gives you. He pushes it in, fucking both of your cum together, “Fuck, Kitten,” he sighs, his voice breathless and hoarse. 

He slows down, before gently easing out of you and you feel your combined cum drip from you. The loss stings, but your pussy is too sensitive and you're grateful for the break. Both Billy’s arms gently circle around your waist, guiding you down on top of him, his wet hands brushing the sweaty hairs from your face while you cup his jaw and pull him down for a sweet kiss.

“I'm buggered,” you sigh snuggling in closer to him, “are you ok?” You ask knowing that he always needs some reassurances after.

“Fuckin fantastic baby,” he leans down to kiss you on the forehead, “I didnt hurt you did I?”

“Not at all,”

“You feeling more relaxed now?” 

“Hmm.. much,”

“can we just lay here a bit?”

“Sounds perfect”

“Good,” he holds you tight, “I just want to bask with you a bit longer,”

Tags:

@hummelmi @misstimeless @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @restingbitchblog @profoundme444 @nyctophiliiiaa